and i find

and I find that
it is I

who is unprepared
for this segment of
my job
I am weary of his drama
sucked dry from this part
of my life
of my mothering
and
I want to
skip ahead
to the next scene
where he is a young adult
on his own
and I can look away
by simply closing the door

For these things that I keep

I knock
enter
smiling but reserved
polite and cordial

I sit
across from him
with his note-pad

I breathe
and
begin to unbutton myself
slowly
with pause
or maybe caution

I reach in
pull out my insides
laying every
last thickly, sticky
dripping piece
on my knees
my lap
where my babies once sat
A safe place
for these things that I keep
inside of me

and thoughts of God

...and thoughts of God
did grace my lips
as thunder clapped
and lightening ripped

my bare feet held
in shallow pond
arms outreached
for what's to come...

Ah melancholy

Ah melancholy take my hand and lead me to another land,
where Yuka trees are in full bloom and night fall brings a beautiful
moon.

cleansed

it is but
for the water
that I do feel cleansed
baptized a new
in my unholy skin

for another go around

at this day
life
hour

the bath

an ocean
or sometimes well
purges anew
my naked flesh
all that I am
or will
ever
be

fallible
yet renewed
in this pool, that there is no stepping out from
until my
time is
done

She is fickle

She is fickle, the stray alley cat
wanting to trust
she sleeks in near
low against the ground
she attempts a guarded sniff
interested
judging if you are
trustworthy
of more closeness
unsure
and overly cautious

because she and I are much the same
we tend to miss out on much
and I am that stray cat
in my mind
regardless of the fact that
I have a home
to call
my own

Photo credit

what I see

I am thinking
to send you away
for your good
or for mine

I want to save you
to catch you
and if I cannot
I want others there
to do it for me

I cannot help myself
but want the best for you
that my money can buy
these days that is not much

But
I will sell it all
for one year of time
for you
I will pay for a lifetime
if it will help you see

I want that magic mirror
for you to look into
so you can recognize
yourself
as potential
as opportunity
because
that’s what I see